Paris to Vancouver - Flight Over Artic Ice

Eiffel Tower in grey morning

I had a relaxing evening in Paris. It was an opportunity to take a deep breath before winging onward to Canada, family, friends and a reminder of myself in another time and place. I find change that occurred within a new context is rendered stark when one leaves the new context and enters a previous one. I was aware there was growth occurring in me yet it was seldom explicit as the touch sensitive outer shell of one's being constantly adapts to new circumstances, keeping the contact smooth and dynamic.

I anticipated that arriving in Canada would feel simultaneously strange and familiar yet the knowledge didn't prevent me from being irritated by both the known and the unknown and feeling a deeper sense of ease and acceptance at that which surprised me and that which I had knowingly missed while I was away.

Tsawwassen Ferry terminal Vancouver

Canada feels easy, wide open. Family is both critical and adoring, they know me in a way no one else can. Dramas and stories, old and new emerge and get rehashed over a few beer. I try to coax Levi the rescue dog to come get his head stroked but so far he will only take a nacho chip from my open hand. This is progress. It is slow.

Ship 'Spirit of Vancouver Island' returns from Victoria

Canada also feels provincial and rustic. The streets feel empty. I think it might be a Sunday until I realize it's a Tuesday. I'm trying to orient myself here but keep asking myself where can I experience a sense of belonging? Will the grip of Fernweh never let loose my heart? Fernweh is a heartache brought on by a sense of yearning for the joy of travel to distant destinations - a perfect instance of the ability of the German language to provide a single word to encapsulate a complicated emotion or process.

Ferry serving the smaller islands near Schwartz Bay

Maybe I've been searching too long. Maybe I'm addicted to being an outsider or to discovering myself in new environments to the point that I no longer recognize myself in the mundane and the known, confusing that heady rush of confronting the new with a calmer
more sustainable learning and developing within.

Perhaps it's simply jet lag.